BUFF or BULGE

Now, I’m not obese but I admit I’m not my ‘ideal’ weight. So what is the ideal weight? Women are always striving to be thinner no matter what size they actually are.

There’s a rake-thin girl at work who looks like she’d snap if she had to carry anything other than her own body weight plus a very small handbag, yet she still thinks she needs to lose the pounds. And no she’s not anorexic, she’s just like every other woman who looks at herself in the mirror and thinks ‘with a handful off here and a pinch off there, I’d look much better’.

I put my battle with the bulge down to boredom at work and general inactivity. Our bodies were not designed to sit at a desk, in front of a computer for 8-9 hours a day with no physical exercise apart from the occasional bicep curl when answering the phone, or a good jaw stretch during a gossip session around the kettle.

I once measured how many steps I did in the average day. Bearing in mind the recommended number of steps (to ensure general fitness) is 10,000, I was surprised to find over a 12 hour period, even with a 15 minute walk to and from the train station, I could only manage 9,000!

Only 9,000! Even with my regular ‘I’m-so-bored-so-I’ll-waste-time-going-to-the-toilet’ trips and a 30 minute lunchtime saunter around the shops, I can only clock up NINE THOUSAND! A snail could do more than that and they only have one foot! By comparison my other half managed to clock up 9,000 steps in just a morning at the hospital – I guess it’s dashing between all the emergencies “he’s crashing – Resus! STAT”

So to combat this downward spiral into a lifestyle more sedentary than a rock, I joined a gym. In the last five weeks I have been jogging, pumping, cycling, bouncing, stepping, pulling, pushing and crunching at least three times a week. The main goal is to lose weight but I’d also like to be fit enough to climb the stairs at work without hyperventilating.

Until now, I thought I was doing pretty well but it would seem in the last 4 days I’ve managed to gain 3lbs! Where did it come from? How could this happen?? Has someone secretly been sowing bags of sugar onto my thighs without my knowledge?

After this discovery, I came into work with a mood blacker than an inkwell in a dark room and whinged to my collegues. To give them credit, they tried to cheer me up with sympathetic comments like ‘muscle weighs more than fat’ and ‘ don’t worry its probably water retention’. HAH! WHATEVER! I don’t think I’m carrying around 3lbs of water and I certainly don’t think I’m buff so either my scales are faulty or I’m just FAT!

I think I’ll be hitting the gym tonight for a bit more pumping and bouncing…

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