Sheep uprising

Posted on 14/05/2012 by bighair63

Two days ago, I took part in the annual rounding up, shearing, and manicuring of 20 sheep at a friend’s small holding. The 100 strong flock (yes we only managed to ‘process’ a fifth) are a mixture of Soay and Boreray. The former being a primitive breed dating back thousands of years and the latter being one of the rarest breeds in Britain!

Being a lover (not in the Biblical sense) of all things cute and fluffy, I spent most of the day hugging the lambs, chirping at the newly hatched chickens, stroking the farm cats and feeling sorry for the sheep being manhandled into submission. Boreray are supposed to be self shearing – not with a razor, foam and a mirror – and under the right conditions, their fleece falls off, is rubbed off against a tree or can easily be removed by hand (ruing).

Unfortunately, quite a lot of the sheep had matted fleeces which required a little more than gentle teasing off. So, with the owner wielding his newly purchased electric clippers and his helpers armed with hand shears, we chopped and hacked away at the panic stricken sheep for 6 hours! It was back-breaking, messy work and far from leaving the sheep beautifully coiffed, the result was not too dissimilar from a child’s attempt at giving Barbie a haircut with a pair of blunt, plastic school scissors. To add insult to injury, the newly acquired clippers left gouges on their flanks and knicks on their chins! As we stood back to view our tragic handiwork, we contemplated what revenge may befall us should there ever be a sheep uprising!

Tailless birds and stumpy cats

Posted on 02/05/2012 by bighair63

I recently noticed a tailless blackbird outside my flat! I named him Bob for obvious reasons. Coincidentally, there is also a three legged cat lurking about the buildings. I haven’t named him but I imagine the two have some stories to tell.

Newty da Newt

Posted on 17/01/2012 by bighair63

My friend Newt is gathering quite a following. He doesn’t know it but he isn’t actually a Newt and no-one dares tell him that. He’s happy as he is and you can follow him on twitter @newtydanewt. He often moves between Wales and England so I have drawn him a flag for both countries so he can display either/or, depending on where he is.

Welsh Newt

English Newt

Change of Heart

Posted on 14/09/2006 by bighair63

In my quest to find out about the defense mechanisms of slugs, I came across lots and lots of research papers on Sea Slugs. I now want to withdraw my comment about slugs belonging in God’s reject bin. This is a sweeping generalisation and the reject bin should just be open for the common garden slug.

Sea Slugs are WICKED! have a look on here:
http://www.hawaiisfishes.com/inverts/slugs/neatslugs.htm

I also found an interesting website by someone who has come up with the terrifying idea of flying slugs! Check out his website which discusses how flying slugs would affect the economy, technology and religion…. http://www.belch.com/?page_id=26

Slug Wars

Posted on 13/09/2006 by bighair63

Urrrrgh SLUGS!!!

When God (I use this term loosely) was creating the Universe, were these hideous, slimy creatures meant for the reject bin (along with cockroaches) but didn’t quite make it?

Don’t get me wrong, I love most of God’s creations including those weird looking axolotls you find in the depths of secret caves (basically albino salamander/newt type things). BUT SLUGS…bleurgh! They don’t even have the decency, like snails, to cover up their modesty. At least snails keep the majority of their mucusy foot inside a pretty shell!

Our garden seems to be undergoing some sort of slug exodus and their destination is OUR KITCHEN!!! They leave their ‘trail-making’ for the dead of night when they must gather together: “Right boys! Do your worst! No straight lines, just meander – make as much mess as you can!”

They might as well get a crayon out and start scribbling on the walls and all over the pots and pans. They’re sneaky too, managing to bypass the slug powder I regularly put out, probably using a series of ropes and pulleys – if only I could find out how they are getting in?

Anyway, last night I heard a blood curdling scream from the kitchen and fearing L had just chopped a finger off making dinner, I rushed downstairs to face the mutilation. In fact, I found L hopping around the kitchen, pointing frantically and shouting ‘get them out, get them out… I’ll do anything’ (anything? – I made a mental note)

There, squelching around on one of the cooker hobs, in a pool of glistening mucus, were two fat slugs! YUCK yuck yuck! After letting out a couple of my own screeches of disgust, I went to war armed with a piece of tissue!

I don’t know much about the physiology of slugs but one of these guys had a cunning weapon up his sleeve (or sock seeing as they don’t have arms)! As I scooped it up in the tissue, it proceeded to squirt an arc of what I can only assume was slug pee at me! I’ve never seen that before! GROSS!

I’m sure slugs are mutating and plotting to take over the world. For instance, have you ever noticed that slug slime seems to be getting thicker and more toxic over the years. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of getting slug juice on your fingers it seems to bind to your skin – not even fairy liquid and a scrubbing brush can remove it.

However, I was lucky this time. The slug pee missed me by inches and I kept my fingers free of slug slime. These two P.O.Ws ended their lives speeding towards the sewers on a wave of toilet water – Another small victory for human kind, but the battle rages on.

Elephants in Disguise

Posted on 18/08/2006 by bighair63

I’ve been wanting to share this with the world since the beginning of 2005. In the good ol’ days, in my last job, where there was a real feeling of camaraderie, I used to arrange small scale art competitions.

The rules were simple, I’d suggest a theme, then, armed with a mouse and Microsoft paint (only) the entrants would draw pictures to be judged by an independent panel of judges.

The crucial part was the use of Microsoft paint. Any self respecting designer would banish this dreadful software to a far corner of the earth where it would live out the rest of its days in a bamboo cage subjected to regular intervals of water torcher. Incidentally, it is the same place where Comic Sans (the font) and really bad clip-art should be sent.

Anyhoo, back to the art competitions, and there have been several. Themes have ranged from Hamsters to Easter and Rudolph to Elephants in Disguise. It’s quite entertaining seeing the level of competitiveness between the ‘artists’ but it’s equally entertaining to see the level of skill! So here are just a couple of images from the ‘Elephants in Disguise’ competition.

Chavant

Ele Salvador Dali – Winner

Between the Buses

Ele at the seaside – you really need to see this full scale

Monsters from Socks

Posted on 15/08/2006 by bighair63

I never knew it could be so therapeutic to sit, sewing little creatures out of socks after a long day at work!

I bought my other half a book for Christmas (’05) called ‘Sock Monsters’ but it’s not until now that we’ve opened it with the intention of being creative. I can’t remember who the book is by, but I found this website http://www.stupidcreatures.com/gallery.html which gives you an idea of the variety of monsters that can evolve from manky, old, worn socks! We do seem to have a large number of old socks or socks who’ve lost their life long partners but, if you’re like me, you’ll get really excited and rush out to buy the craziest socks you can find at the cheapest prices… Woolworths has done me proud!

I’ve spent the last two days covered in bits of thread and sock oddments, irresponsibly putting my freelance work to one side for several hours of crafty fun!
So, here are a couple of my sock monsters – the picture quality is a little poor but that’s because I used my phone.