Sadism or earning your cookie?

Posted on 22/09/2006 by bighair63

So this is it… not sure what I was expecting but I don’t really have any strong feelings about my last day! When I left my previous job, I was a bit choked up. I knew I’d miss my friends, the gossip sessions, the fun and the drawing competitions (obviously not the work) but here, I’ve met a couple of nice people but there isn’t really anyone who’d make it on my ‘top-ten-to-invite-to-dinner’ list or even my ‘how’s-about-a-coffee-over-lunch’ list… ok maybe one or two at most.

Yesterday, I got collared for a farewell presentation. I really didn’t see it coming so was fairly shocked when the entire open plan office gathered around to watch me squirm in hot embarrassment. If you know me, you probably know that on occasion, I quite like basking in the limelight but only when I expect it!

In my last job I’d anticipated a gathering having seen fellow ‘jumpers’ (i.e. people who jump ship, not the woollen things) subjected to various forms of farewell torture including bad poetry, songs and speeches which barely reflect the employee or the work they did.

It seems such a strange ritual to me, why do hoards of people gather to bid you farewell when you’ve never exchanged more than a ‘good morning’ or an ‘excuse me’ in the elevator? I suppose having been on the otherside, there’s some sadistic enjoyment to be had from anticipating how uncomfortable one can get when the cry of ‘SPEECH’ is thrown to the departee then thanking your luck stars you’re not in their shoes. Either that or by participating, you can feel comfortable in the knowledge that you’ve earned an iced doughnut or choc chip cookie from the table of farewell goodies that the leaver is obliged to buy for everyone.

Oh I’m sooo cynical! How is it I’ve managed to become a grumpy old woman 30years before my time!

But back to my goodbye gathering – they were lucky to corner me at all because just moments before I had been marching towards the door. One of my colleagues practically rugby tackled me to the floor on the pretence that my manager needed to have a word!

I don’t remember much about the speech except the odd ‘thank you’ about my recycling efforts and some sarcastic comment about my mathematical abilities (or lack of)! You’ll be excited to hear the office collection was spent on an ant farm, a marble frog paper weight, some paint-your-own ginger bread men and £20! …hmm an interesting array of gifts… They obviously took no notice of my plea for a golden light switch engraved with ‘Turn it Off’ . Ah well, this weekend, I’ll be off hunting for a queen ant to kick start my ant farm!!

Last Monday Morning (this is a grumble)

Posted on 18/09/2006 by bighair63

It’s my final Monday Morning as a full time environmentalist! I should be joyous but nothing is different today and I’ve just had the usual Monday morning rant about the utter the lack of response from our Estates and Resources team to get some recycling issue sorted out. My blood pressure is raised, and I have an incredible urge to throw something or crush someone’s head under a big rock

My anger is partly fuelled by the fact that I gave the University an extra 2 weeks notice in my resignation letter hoping they’d use the time wisely and replace me as quickly as possible. My direct line management signed off the job description/person specs etc within the first two weeks and since then, the paperwork has been sitting on the desk of some puffed up, power hungry, tie-too-tight, lazy, S.O.B member of management. 6 WEEKS they’ve had to advertise this, SIX WHOLE WEEKS!!! and nothing! no movement! Zip, Zero, Zilch!

The culprit is the very same guy who said “this institution needs to keep the momentum going -it is an important time for the environment”. My suspicion is that he’ll put it off for as long as possible so he can hang on to some extra cash. It took them FOUR YEARS to replace the last environmental officer with me!

In the meantime, all the projects I’ve been working on will be put on hold, no-one will care, no-one will chase them up and I am SOOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!! I shouldn’t care but I do – it’s all been a complete waste of time and I have a good mind to tell them what I think. They are all IDIOTS and the planet will never change because of people like them! As you can imagine THIS is one of the main reasons for leaving it all behind…the feet-draggers! The environment is never a top priority… there is always something more important to sort out…

Since my rant I’ve been pondering one thing. When I’m a student again, will I still get Monday Morning Blues?

The choice of a foraging bird…

Posted on 08/09/2006 by bighair63

With only 10 days left in full time employment, I’ve recently had one of the most successful meetings I’ve had in the entire two years I’ve been here! I sat at a table with 6 other people, proposing a new scheme for the university and not one person threw up a single barrier!! They ALL agreed! Its extraordinary!

Most meetings I go to end up with so many sighs, head shakes, tuts and reasons not to do something that regularly come away ready to launch myself off the nearest cliff.lateral thought process… the closest cliff around here must be…ooooh um? in Skegness? Does Skegness have cliffs or is it just ferris wheels and bumper cars?

Well, whatever the case, I almost fell off my chair at the amazing amount of positivity and at times like these I think to myself ‘sheesh! what am I doing?’ Maybe I should stay and make sure all these people keep their promises! It’s a major step for the university and it’s horrible leaving something behind thatÂs actually a giant leap forward.

Should I be giving up a job that is making a positive contribution to the world for purely self indulgent, reasons? Should I endure 30+ years chipping away at the proverbial brick wall for a moment like this no matter how few and far between they are?

…I’m thinking again

Maybe it’s like foraging birds/animals that have to choose between
a) easily accessible food with little calorific return so they need to eat more or
b) harder to reach food, high in energy and rich in essential stuff
Actually, that’s probably a dumb analysisthe decision has been made and if all goes according to plan, I’ll earn more and have much better overall job satisfaction (I hope)

So, just to put you in the picture, I have been trying for some time to get the university to start using recycled paper as the standard stock. We order over 150 tonnes of paper annually – this is probably a conservative estimate – so think how many trees and how much energy we’d save buying recycled! Until now, we’ve had several unsuccessful meetings on this topic and a lot of people are still under the impression that recycled paper is inferior. Its not, it used to be, but its come on leaps and bounds! In bulk orders, there isn’t even a cost issue unless of course you are buying 100% recycled.

Anyway, without boring you to tears, they have agreed to trial recycled paper over three months in a WHOLE building! Wow!!! If it’s successful then thereÂ’s no reason not to role it out to the rest of the uni.

Now, if I seem a little over excited about something which on the face of it is just a trial, then I have to explain that it’s like pulling teeth to get ANYONE to do ANYTHING around here. THIS is like moving mountains. I also suspect no one will remember it was me that pushed for this so I though’t I’d record it in my blog! While I’m blowing my own trumpet, I also want to take credit for pushing forward an energy management strategy which miraculously started to take off today too…10 days is all I have! Some jobs are pretty darn thankless and I think more people should get credit for the time and dedication they put into their work.

I’d like a golden light switch or recycling bin commemorating my time here which says “for the girl who switched off” or “Amy’s Bin here”. However, nowadays you have to stick at a job for 40 years or more just so you can get a gold watch or an extra day holiday so I don’t hold out much hope.

Well, only time will tell if this was the right decision… eek!

Journeys to work

Posted on 25/08/2006 by bighair63

I sold my car about a year ago – to save money but also to be more environmentally friendly! For the last year I’ve made my way to work either by bus, train, walking or on the odd occasion, cycling. Generally, I quite enjoy the short commute. It certainly beats sitting in a traffic jam or having to leave home an extra hour early so I can guarantee getting a space in the staff car park.

Most days I have my METRO newspaper handed to me as I leave the train, I occasionally buy a coffee, usually a tall-skinny-latte-with-an-extra-shot, and if the reception is good I listen to radio 4 for a bit of culture and watch the same people going about their morning routine.

It’s true, we are creatures of habit and I just love watching people on their way to work. For example, there’s a man with a strange growth in the groin region, who has a lop-sided walk because he has to put all his effort into swinging his leg and the balloon sized growth forward as he walks. He usually stops for a coffee and a paper and I think he works for the Council…

There’s also a lady with a gammy eye that points in an unusual direction who always has a small cappuccino, a croissant, reads the paper and listens to her i-pod, before carrying on with her day. She’s on first name terms with the staff at the coffee place and I’m intrigued to find out where she works. Maybe when I’m a student I’ll follow her.

My worst journeys are almost always on the bus which is usually crammed with people. 7 out of 10 times there’s a drunk man who hasn’t washed for an eternity, a mother with 8 kids all of who don’t know the meaning of ‘SHUDUP YA LIL’ S***!’ and someone having a very loud conversation on their mobile.

I’m usually quite tolerant on the bus but with the added irritation of a bad driver who swings around corners, accelerating in short sharp bursts, throwing the passengers forwards and backwards in unison, my stress levels can reach boiling point.

It never ceases to annoy me when the conductor drives off before the frail old lady, with a walking stick and hunchback can sit down. I regularly find myself holding my breath, poised on the edge of my seat, ready to catch a falling granny (Wonder Woman style) then sighing with relief when she finally sits down.

Do you know what? No matter how queasy I feel or how fast my heart is pumping from screeching around the roundabout on two wheels, I always say ‘Thank You’ to the bus driver! How English! and how polite!

Elephants in Disguise

Posted on 18/08/2006 by bighair63

I’ve been wanting to share this with the world since the beginning of 2005. In the good ol’ days, in my last job, where there was a real feeling of camaraderie, I used to arrange small scale art competitions.

The rules were simple, I’d suggest a theme, then, armed with a mouse and Microsoft paint (only) the entrants would draw pictures to be judged by an independent panel of judges.

The crucial part was the use of Microsoft paint. Any self respecting designer would banish this dreadful software to a far corner of the earth where it would live out the rest of its days in a bamboo cage subjected to regular intervals of water torcher. Incidentally, it is the same place where Comic Sans (the font) and really bad clip-art should be sent.

Anyhoo, back to the art competitions, and there have been several. Themes have ranged from Hamsters to Easter and Rudolph to Elephants in Disguise. It’s quite entertaining seeing the level of competitiveness between the ‘artists’ but it’s equally entertaining to see the level of skill! So here are just a couple of images from the ‘Elephants in Disguise’ competition.

Chavant

Ele Salvador Dali – Winner

Between the Buses

Ele at the seaside – you really need to see this full scale

Roll on University

Posted on 18/08/2006 by bighair63

Since handing in my resignation, my time at work has seemed a little pointless. There are now approximately 147 hours left at this computer in this hot, open plan office. All my motivation is slowly seeping away through these horrible blue carpet tiles, into the concrete floor, down 3 levels of unsued building space and away into the bowels of the earth.

The left side of my brain is saying ‘OI! when can we get a move on with the creativity thang’ and the right side is saying ‘I’m fed up of waste legislation and energy strategies so when can we have a break?’ Effectively, both are saying ‘I can’t wait for the next 21 days to be over’ – that’s when I finish up and prepare myself for the joys of higher education (again).

Its also raining today and that just adds to my melancholy mood. There seems little point in starting any new projects and everything else is bubbling along without the need for my intereference. My work diary for the next 21 days is empty, no meetings, no conferences, no report writing – nada, zip, zero, zilch – just mindless I’m-actually-doing-work-but-not-really type activities. Tip tapping on the computer, making endless cups of coffee, internet surfing, emailing, the occasional spurt of text messaging, countless trips to toilet spurred on by the coffee and of course blogging.

To pass the time this morning I engaged my workmates in a conversation about colloquial words and phrases. Interestingly, most of them are rude so I’ll refrain from putting them on my blog but there were one or two that made me laugh and a few that could be good cartoon material.

I’ve listed some of my favourites, but I’m hesitant to say these are just Derbyshire or Nottinghamshire sayings, they could just be general Northernisms. Wherever they’re from, I definitely hadn’t heard any of them until I’d moved to the area and most of them I hadn’t heard until I started working in this office.

Some of my favourites are:

“I could eat a horse box between two bread vans” = I’m hungry
“I could eat a scabby dog” = also means I’m hungry
“I’m spitting feathers” = I’m thirsty
“He couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo” = pertaining to England’s performance in the football
“I’ve had a roggie” = I’ve had a haircut
“Are you mashin’ ” = are you making a cup of tea?
“I’m mardy” = I’m in a bad mood
“duck” = a general term of endearment like ‘mate’ or ‘friend’,

My partner is a doctor and it’s common practice for new doctors to be provided with a list of local words or phrases used by patients. Of course if you’re a foriegn doctor or not au fait with the lingo, it makes diagnosis easier to know that ‘gut rot’ means tummy ache or that ‘a pain in my lug holes’ means I have ear ache.